Instant recap: Marcus waged a life-and-death struggle against Kali while locked in carnal embrace with her. He saw he had no choice but to launch his semen into her as a deadly weapon. He became aware again of Venus beneath the dark overlay, and hoped his love for her would protect her from the harm he aimed at Kali. But at the moment of truth the forms of the two Goddesses merged into one, and in her passion she cried out: "Fuck me, kill me, fuck me, kill me! Yes, yes, yes!"
14. Death and Resurrection
The man and woman who embodied a God and Goddess were swept into an all-consuming mutual orgasm. In the very first pulse their eyes opened and locked into contact. In astonishment Marcus saw Venus' eyes turning into mirrors, as happened the first time he made love with Gail in Vietnam. It meant that they were about to converge into one, and then he would almost certainly be hurled back into that strange dark night where his soul was eternally alone. He tried to head it off and blinked his eyes, which momentarily stopped the meld. Venus looked incensed at this ~ her eyes widened and locked on his again and she said in a crisp, commanding voice: "Choose death and be saved."
With these words, the thickest opaque veil between human beings fell away from them, as they looked at one another and mutually realized that "I am you!" The next instant they fell all the way into each other's eyes, and were pulled up through a tunnel or tube or bottleneck, from which only One emerged at the top. As he feared, Marcus found himself back in the nightmarish emptiness, holding life in one hand and death in the other.
This state has been described as the ultimate Hell, for the experiencer is overwhelmed by the subjective certainty that the entire universe has been subsumed into himself, and that he sustains it with his thunderously beating heart. On his first trip to the Ultrasphere Marcus chose life, which manifested as the conception of his son Eric in the act of love with Gail. Now Venus had adjured him to choose death, the unthinkable act which he had rejected then, out of fear that it would bring the end of everything. This decision seemed confirmed afterwards when his teacher Vasudeva explained the experience to him, and spoke of souls "who would choose death and be lost".
So here he was hoist on the cross of a supreme dilemma: should he heed the advice of his impeccable, enlightened Acarya, or of a Goddess whose will was cleanly divided between his salvation and his destruction? Though the words had come from the lips of Venus, they may have actually been spoken by Kali behind the mask. Marcus agonized over his choice for a timeless span in that realm beyond the continuum. At last he found something firm enough to lead him away from the razor's edge: the love of Venus which filled his heart. If it were an illusion or a deception, it was still worth dying for ~ this was his conviction, and steeled him to take the risk.
Thus the heart and the mind and the will of Marcus became hermetically unified, and he was ready to embrace death with his whole being. In synched response, the dread archetypal source of all death coagulated into a dagger in his right hand, which in one fell swoop he plunged into his Sacred Heart. There was a moment of shock, a sense of falling; a moment of terror, which dissolved into bliss. And then there was nothing at all. It was as if he had stepped into the darkness surrounding him and been swallowed by it, so that only the void remained.
In the next instant (or the next eternity) the nothingness exploded into infinite light and substance. It was inhabited by a Godlike consciousness of unfathomable magnitude, beyond the poles of life and death, untinged by hope or fear. This entity beheld a panorama of unending creation, worlds beyond worlds, and knew itself as their Source. Yet it had a distinct recollection of how its yang and yin halves had united on one of those small marbled orbs, and how the singular being had made the supreme sacrifice for the sake of love. Therefore the Infinite Allness beamed down an imago of itself upon that world; it descended to the hidden glade as a light-being, a humanoid shape that blazed brilliant as the Sun. It settled onto the patch of grass in the lotus posture, and gradually densified. When it reached the cusp between the astral and etheric layers of condensation, it knew it must split again in half in order to regain physical form.
The being remembered how it first came to this world in an expedition from Thule. Their lightship emerged from the white hole in the Sun; it was peopled with radiant androgynes, which split in half to become the Gods and Goddesses of the planets. This being was the one that had cleft into Mars and Venus, and now prepared to do so again, with a further condensation into the incarnate man and woman.
The glowing plasma began to fission: its head became two heads facing each other, and the same with its arms, legs, and torso. It stuck slightly at the chest, until one twin pulled back farther and retained an extra dollop of plasma which rounded into her breasts. At the next node their hearts separated plasmically but were still one in the solar radiance, a sphere that was like a living cell, with its nucleus in the heart of the yin being. When their navels drew apart, she became aware that a new plasmic form was nested inside her, and her heart's love generated a special radiance for it, one that could never be known by the yang being, though he, too, sensed the embryo's presence. Things got sticky again at the Svadhi-node, and as the yang twin pulled back, a thick tube of plasma formed between them, attached to both their sex chakras.
Mars/Marcus said to Venus/Avice: "Here was the fatal juncture which disrupted our wedding. You bear the lodestone of our love and our child inside you. Will you now surrender to me the decisive edge of power?"
"Yes, I swear it!" she sang in joy, her love effervescing as a fountain of light. At that moment the lingam snapped free of her loins, and the recoil left a hole as her yoni. In a few seconds the ether thickened to the third density, and there they sat in their physical bodies, their limbs intertwined though no longer their loins. They remained in silent embrace for a long time.
Marcus' previous experience of being alone in a void between life and death was described in R. Marcus Part 3: Blood and Vision